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Sven and Ole Jokes

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Who are Sven & Ole?
Sven and Ole (rhymes with holy) jokes are popular in the upper midwest, especially in Minnesota ond other regions settled by Scandanavians. They are a couple of old farmers, and they aren’t too bright. If you are Swedish, Sven and Ole are Norwegian. And if you are Norwegian… well, then, they are Swedish, don’t you know? Check the Wikipedia Page for more about the cultural aspects of the jokes. Ready?

The Piano
Sven’s down at the feed store and runs across Ole.
Sven says, "Ole, good to see you! How’ve you been?”
“And what about your wife, I haven’t seen her in awhile. How’s she doing, Ole?”
Sven says, “I heard you bought her a piano, didn’t you? That must be real fine. How’d she like it?”
Ole answers, “Fine. But I sold the piano and bought a clarinet.”
“A clarinet? Why would you give her a clarinet instead of a piano?”
Ole glares at Sven a bit, then says, “Because with a clarinet, she can’t sing!”

One-Two Punch
The best Sven & Ole jokes have a one-two punch. Sven says something unbelievably stupid. Ole is amazed that Sven could be so dense, and tells him, “Sven, don’t be such a dummy!” and then… well, read on.

The Roof
Sven and Ole are up fixing the roof. Sven picks up a nail, looks at it, and throws it away.
He picks up the next one, looks at it, and hammers it into the roof
The next one, he hammers it into the roof; the next one, he throws it away.
Ole says, "Sven, why do you throw away half the nails?"
Sven says, "Ole, don't you see, they have the point on the wrong end!"
Ole says, “Sven, don't be such a dummy! Those are for the OTHER side of the roof!”

The Boat
Sven and Ole go fishing. It’s such a great day, they rent a boat so they can fish from the middle of the lake. They row out, drop their lines, and before you know it, they're catching fish, one after another after another. They can’t believe what a great fishing spot they found.
Sven says, “This is the best fishing spot in the county. It’s just too bad we didn’t bring some paint.”
Ole asks, “Paint? Why should you want paint, to go fishing?”
“Well Ole, don’t you see, so we can paint an “X” in the bottom of the boat, so we can find this spot next time.”
Ole laughs at him. “Sven, don’t be such a dummy! Next time, what if they give us a different boat?”

The Mule
Sven and Ole buy a mule. But when they get it home, they can’t get it into the barn. It just won’t go.
Sven says, “I know just the problem. He won’t fit through the door. His ears are too long.”
Ole sees that Sven is right, thinks a bit, and then says, “I know what we can do. We should raise the barn by a foot, so he’ll fit.”
Sven asks, “Wouldn’t it be easier to dig a ditch for him to walk in?”
Ole says, “Sven, don’t be such a dummy! It’s his ears that are too long, not his legs!”

The Truck
Ole hears that Sven just bought a new truck, so he goes over to take a look at it. When he gets there, he sees dents all over the truck, and Sven sitting in the driveway behind the truck.
Ole says, “Sven, why did you buy a truck with dents?”
Sven says, “Oh, I made a real good deal. It got dented in a hailstorm, so the salesman gave me $50 off the price. And he said that all I have to do is blow on the tailpipe, and those dents will pop right out. But I’ve been sitting here blowing on this tailpipe for two hours now, and I don’t think it's working.
Ole says, “Sven, don’t be such a dummy! You have to close the windows first!”

Ole and Lena
Ole and Lena jokes are related to Sven and Ole jokes. Ole and Lena have been married for years, and sometimes they don't get along so good.

Bad News
The doctor tells Ole he only has a few days left to live. Ole thinks a little, looks hard at Lena, and says, “Lena, promise me. Swear to me that when I’m gone, you’ll marry Sven Svenson.”
“SVEN SVENSON???” she shrieks. “You’ve hated him all your life!”
Ole answers, “Yep, I still do.”

A few days pass. Now Ole only has a few hours left to live. Lying in bed, he smells something. Cake. Chocolate cake, his favorite! He crawls out of bed and drags himself to the kitchen.

When Lena walks in, there is Ole, sitting at the kitchen table, eating cake. She hollers at him, “Ole! What are you doing in here? You’re sick! You should be in bed! You shouldn’t be out here eating cake! That’s for the funeral!”

The Newspaper
Ole died. Lena goes to the newspaper office to print the death notice.
The clerk asks her, “What do you want it to say?”
“Ole died.”
The clerk looks up. “What else?”
“Nothing else.”
“But Lena, you were married to Ole all those years. Don’t you want to say anything else about him?”
The clerk thinks a minute. “You know, Lena, it won’t cost you any more if you add a little. The first ten words are the same price.”
“Ten words, and it won’t cost extra?” she asks.
The clerk nods.
Lena thinks hard, then says, “Ole died. Boat for sale.”

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